My Big Day
by Tsukiyomi Gemma
Summary: Amu's point of veiw on the 'happiest day of her life'. TADAMUTO. What will happen? Songfic.


**Okay so I was just laying in bed last night and this suddenly came to me so it's quite short. Oh and it's rushed to, so I'm sorry for any mistakes!  
**

**Ikuto: This better be good. You're meant to be working on 'Art And Ikuto'. Oh nice title for that fic by the way.**

**You only like it because your name is in it. **

**Ikuto: Is there a problem with that?**

**...No. I can't say there is.  
**

**Ikuto: Good. Now we've got that figured out Tsukiyomi Gemma doesn't own Shugo Chara! no matter how much she thinks she does. She also doesn't own the song 'I Win' By Abra Moore.**

**Amu's POV**

**Key:  
**

Normal

**Song lyrics**

_Flashback_

* * *

My Big Day

It's raining. Today of all days. I hate the rain, it's dark and bleak...It reminds me of everything bad that's happened to me over the past few years. And i really don't need that right about now. I'm running. Faster than i have ever ran in my entire life. I'm soaked to the bone, and this long,white dress is probably ruined by now. I don't care to check. I stumble a little before regaining my balance. I really should loose the shoes, I have no idea how I'm running in them. My willpower to get away, maybe?

_My big day._

I didn't expect it to turn out like this...guilt builds up inside of me, but I wont turn back. Every muscle in my body aches with the need to stop. My lungs are burning, desperately straining for air. I think my heart is about to burst out of my chest. That isn't such a bad idea right now. My legs give way and i fall to the ground. My knees crush against the tough mud, but i can barely feel it.

**OK I win, you've finally lost me.**

**Your letting me go, I'm walking away.**

**No fight no fight still falling apart**

**I can't get you out of my heart**

I don't even know where I am. It's too dark to tell, anyway. I rip off my white gloves that go up to my elbow, and throw them somewhere behind me. Next comes the veil. I tear it from my once beautiful and neat hair, and throw it to the ground. Bits of mud jump from the floor from the sheer force that i threw the piece of netting. The rain begins to pelt even harder against my skin, my bare shoulders. I can't get up. I don't even try. My breathing isn't slowing, and my chest still hurts. My hair has fell loose and now it's pressing against the back of my neck, causing rain water to drop from the ends and rolls down my back.

_What do I do now? Where can I go? _

I have no idea. I'll just stay here until i decide...unitl i get the energy to decide. I'll stay here on the cold, wet, muddy ground in the middle of a place i don't even know. I looked over my shoulder, still crouched on the floor. I can't even see the church anymore. Then i feel myself begin to cry. The tears blend in with the rain drops on my face. I sit there and wrap my arms around myself, not attempting to wipe my face. Sobs and screams of pain are wracking my body. I thought this was what i wanted...

"I couldn't do it... Why couldn't i do it?" I scream with all my heart into the wet night air.

_I stood there at the bottom of the aisle, near the door. Looking at all the people here, my family, my friends. And most importantly, the man i was going to marry. The music plays and everybody stands slowly, and turns to look back at me. Some where smiling, while others were crying. I look up at my father by my side and he takes my arm, grinning. I can't smile back. I can't even speak. Any words i try get caught in my throat. I must be nervous. We begin the slow march to the front of the church. I look behind me to see Utau, in a short white bridesmaid dress holding a bouquet smaller than mine. My maid of honor. She smiles at me, looking so happy. But for some reason I want to cry. I turn my head away, looking forward again. There i see my mother, dabbing at her eyes with a tissue. And then i see _him.

_Ikuto._

_He's looking at me from over his shoulder. I blush red. He looks so smart wearing a black suit. It brings out the intensity of his sapphire eyes. I find myself unable to look away. His eyes trapping mine. But then he turns back towards the alter, and i can't help but stare and the back of his head. His blue hair shines in the light with every step we take. It feels like my heart could stop at any moment and were getting closer to him. Closer and closer. Untill my father puts my hand in his. _

**All right all right I lied about loving**

**A man that I love, a love I won't have.**

**It's true It's true I'm falling apart**

**And I can't get you out of my heart.**

_In Hotori Tadase's hand._

I shove my face into my now bare hands. It's freezing. It feels like every rain drop is biting into me. Biting viciously at my skin. This dress is sticking to me now. It's getting heavy, reminding me only too well of my breaking heart.

_I can't hear what the vicar is saying. I can't even remember when everyone sat down. All I can hear is the sound of my heart beating much to fast. I look over to Tadase's side of the church, avoiding his eyes as i did so, and on the first seat i can see some members of his family, and i can also see Kairi and Kukai. And then i see him. Ikuto. The best man. I almost audibly scoff at the words, but that wouldn't look good in the church while the vicar was speaking. Tadase knew everything we've been through together. Me and Ikuto. I gave up trying to decipher his actions. Ikuto wasn't looking at me. Come to think of it he wasn't smiling earlier when he saw me walking up the aisle. He just simply stared. He was sat with his elbows on his knees looking down, his blue bangs covering his eyes. His fingers tangled in his hair. I tear my eyes from the top of his head and back to the blond man next to me. He is holding my hand tightly, while mine just lay there limply. Everything seems to spin. I'm confused. I have no idea what I'm doing here. Do i really want to do this? _

_"Hinamori-san?" My head snaps up at the sound of my name. The vicar is looking at me. Am i supposed to speak?_

_"Amu-chan?" I became aware of Tadase staring at me...along with the rest of the church. "This is the part where you say "I Do"." He reminded me smiling, assuming i was nervous. I opened my mouth to speak, but no sound came out. I swallowed. Still i couldn't say those two little words that would change my life. My eyes flash around the church. Everyone is staring at me, shocked. Everyone...apart from Ikuto. His head is still bowed. I take a deep breath._

_"I..." I began bravely. It's the first time I've spoken in a while, maybe even that day. Some people breathed a sigh of relief and relaxed back into their seats. Others were still listening intently for what i was about to say. I saw Kukai nudging Ikuto with a concerned but understanding look on his face. He mumbled something i didn't hear. After a second Ikuto nodded and sat up straight, catching me off guard, for i was still watching him. His eyes widened when he saw me. But he soon pulled himself together. I began to shake._

_"!..." I heard myself say. Ikuto nodded once to me, urging me to he still looked distressed. I pulled my eyes from him and they rested on Utau. She looked nervous and was biting her lip. Looking deep into my eyes, she was trying to tell me something. I frowned at her. _

_"Be happy." she mouthed to me. I gasped. Was i really going to be happy with Tadase? I liked him when i was a child. My parents liked him. Is that why i was doing this? Everyone else expected me to...I'd decided._

_"I...cant." I croaked, barely audibly. People began to lean forward to hear me._

_"I'm sorry, what was that?" Asked the vicar, slightly taken aback. _

_"I cant." I almost cried. "I just cant!" This time i was positive everyone heard me. The startled gasps gave it away. _

_"What?" Tadase demanded, dropping my hand. I let it fall to my side as i looked down at my dress ruffling about my feet. _

_"I'm sorry." I choked out. He was about to say something to me but i picked up the front of my dress and began to run back down the aisle. Ikuto stood up as i ran past him. _

_"Amu?" I heard him, but i still wouldn't stop. Not now._

_"Amu!" He shouted this time. _

_"I'm sorry!" I yelled as i reached the door, tears already streaming down my face. _

That's how I got here. I began to cry more at the fresh memory. _Love..._Do I love him?

**Kiss me under the table and we'll make believe in love**

**And dream with me under the table**

**It makes me feel it makes me feel alive.**

**Something is filling my heart full of secrets**

**Something is filling my heart full of lies.**

**Something is taking my lover for granted**

**Something is making me cry.**

"I've done the right thing." I whispered to myself. The sound of the rain pelting against the ground all around me almost drowned out the words. "I've done the right thing." I chanted over and over. But have i?

"Amu!" I froze. "AMU!"

I know that voice. He sounded close. I stood up like a newborn lamb, shaking.

"I-Ikuto?" I sniffed.

"Amu! Where are you!?" I hadn't heard his voice in so long. We hadn't spoken in weeks. Not since i got engaged. This time he sounded like he was going in the opposite direction.

"Ikuto!" I shouted. But my voice sounded weak. I could tell he hadn't heard me. "IKUTO!" I screamed his name over and over. I began to run again. I didn't care if it hurt. I needed to see him. And only him. I ran through the trees, the branches were cutting into me. But I didn't care. All I cared about was finding him. The wind began to pick up, throwing the rain harshly into my face. I screamed his name. He'd have to have heard me. My throat felt raw, I was screaming with everything I had. And he was doing the same. I could hear him. We were getting closer. I came to a small clearing, just a patch where there was no trees. I stopped and looked about frantically, I suddenly felt terrified of being alone in this place. Alone and in my wedding dress. suddenly a clap of lightning made me jump. I started crying even harder, if possible.

"Ikuto?" I cried quietly, not at all expecting him to hear me. I hadn't heard his voice in a while. He was gone. I looked up into the tree line, contemplating whether i should run and find him again, or to collapse there and left the wind and rain engulf me. But then i saw something in the trees. A silhouette. After a moment he stumbled out of the tree line. He stared at me, eyes wide. He must have been looking at my torn, wet, muddy wedding dress, my messy hair, my soaking skin. He quickly marched up to me with an annoyed look on his face. When he reached me he pulled off his jacket and draped it around my shoulders.

"What abo-" I began to refuse.

"I'll be fine." He sounded angry. He spat the words at me.

"...Ikuto?" I asked nervously. He just turned his back on me. "Ikuto." I whimpered. Still he wouldn't look at me. I felt small, pathetic.

"Please..." I reached out a hand to his back. "Look at me." I rested it on his shoulder but he flinched away. I felt the broken shards of my heart shatter in my chest. "Why are you doing this?" I sobbed.

"Doing what?" He asked through clenched teeth.

"This." I whispered. "Why are you acting like this?" He just remained silent, facing away from me. I walked around him so i could see his face.

"If you didn't care then why the hell are you even here!?" I started to scream, and i felt hot, angry tears pour down my face once more. "If you didn't care you could have left me here for dead! I wouldn't have minded!" I didn't know whether to slap him or kiss him.

_kiss him..._

Suddenly it all made sense. All those times we went somewhere with Tadase...those secret moments we shared. They way we would look at each other when Tadase turned and looked away. Even when we were kids. Whenever I was on a date with Tadase, and Ikuto somehow interrupted, I wasn't angry I was...releived. Even when he worked for Easter, she still saw him, helped him and...

_'No,I can't.'_

**Can't get you out of my heart**

**OK I win you've finally lost me**

**Your letting me go, I'm walking away**

**It's true It's true I'm falling apart**

**And I can't get you out of my heart**

**Holding on to something so wrong. **

I looked back up at Ikuto. He's staring back into my eyes. He looks hurt.

"Of course I care...It's just I'm...trying my best not to." He pieced the sentence together, a sentence that further broke my heart.

"...You're trying not to care about me?" I questioned him slowly, making sure I've got this right.

He just nodded.

"...Why?" The rain was letting up, so now i could talk normally.

After what seemed like forever he spoke again. "If I tell you... I'll have to leave."

"No! Why would you have to leave?" I almost began yelling again.

He seemed to be getting even more angry with me. But i needed to know. What was he keeping from me?

"Because I'm in love with you when I'm not supposed to be!" He yelled in my face. "I'd have to leave because I can't stand it when you're with anyone elce."

Another silence fell. "You...you idiot." I sobbed.

"What?" He asked sounded both annoyed and exasperated, he began avoiding my eyes again.

"You are an idiot!" I screamed. "You can't stand it when I'm with anyone else? I just walked out of my own wedding! I think it's pretty obvious i don't want to be with Tadase!"

Ikuto just stood there blinking at me. I shook my head, the tears still coming thick and fast. I grabbed hold of the front of this now soaking wet shirt and pulled him to me. My lips crashed onto his and i kissed him will all that I was. He didn't respond for a second, and my heart sank. Didn't he mean what he said? Didn't he love me? But then he kissed back with just as much force as me. His arms snaked around me and my hands got tangled in his wet blue hair.

Today was my big day.

It the day I realised I have always been in love with Tsukiyomi Ikuto.

* * *

**So? What did everyone think?**

**Ikuto: I thought Amu was going to marry me when the flashback came!**

**Well It was meant to sound like that. Please review and tell me if it did!**

**Ikuto: Oh and please look at her other Shugo Chara Fanfic.**

**Oh yeah it's an Amuto! **

**Ikuto: Please review! **


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